I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i out mim tonsoeep
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
