I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
