Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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