he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
