She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I will pee on everything he values.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
