I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
