im six kinds of drunk right now
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
