Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...

(515): View more from Iowa

Ur type is ready and willing

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(503): PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type... (515): Ur type is ready and willing http://tfl.nu/9xaj

Replies (13) Good night (1734) Bad night (658)
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(205): View more from Alabama

I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...

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(205): I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand... http://tfl.nu/3a2z

Replies (8) Good night (1807) Bad night (656)
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(561): View more from Florida

I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..

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(561): I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho.. http://tfl.nu/ry7a

Replies (6) Good night (730) Bad night (1377)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.

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(864): he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs. http://tfl.nu/m2cw

Replies (10) Good night (5051) Bad night (636)
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(360): View more from Washington

The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...

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(360): The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy... http://tfl.nu/q7uq

Replies (14) Good night (1205) Bad night (2415)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .

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(250): woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" . http://tfl.nu/721o

Replies (9) Good night (6559) Bad night (1232)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

i have to get rid of the hedgehog.

(765): View more from Indiana

Does it come with a cage?

(201): View more from New Jersey

yes. and food and toys.

(765): View more from Indiana

i'll trade you an 8th for it

(201): View more from New Jersey

deal.

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(201): i have to get rid of the hedgehog. (765): Does it come with a cage? (201): yes. and food and toys. (765): i'll trade you an 8th for it (201): deal. http://tfl.nu/2d4g

Replies (26) Good night (9909) Bad night (1270)
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(906): View more from Michigan

Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?

(1-906): View more from Michigan

It's okay.

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(906): Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay? (1-906): It's okay. http://tfl.nu/i6me

Replies (9) Good night (1325) Bad night (4167)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."

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(814): In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands." http://tfl.nu/l3oo

Replies (17) Good night (9452) Bad night (1636)
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(954): View more from Florida

I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.

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(954): I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay. http://tfl.nu/trm1

Replies (8) Good night (3074) Bad night (940)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets

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(+44): drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets http://tfl.nu/vhzs

Replies (4) Good night (2268) Bad night (620)
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(419): View more from Ohio

Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?

(1-419): View more from Ohio

Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.

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(419): Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate? (1-419): Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly. http://tfl.nu/ok5v

Replies (20) Good night (3383) Bad night (633)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.

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(306): That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives. http://tfl.nu/0tdc

Replies (5) Good night (515) Bad night (290)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"

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(248): I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring" http://tfl.nu/0ibn

Replies (3) Good night (812) Bad night (320)
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(740): View more from Ohio

I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.

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(740): I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes. http://tfl.nu/v5b0

Replies (4) Good night (858) Bad night (458)

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