I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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