Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad

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(206): Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad http://tfl.nu/uv9f

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(586): View more from Michigan

My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.

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(586): My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god. http://tfl.nu/ww51

Replies (22) Good night (8542) Bad night (852)
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(914): View more from New York

he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3

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(914): he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3 http://tfl.nu/cutl

Replies (32) Good night (5510) Bad night (1841)
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(571): View more from Virginia

You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?

(703): View more from Virginia

I don't even know what potassium is.

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(571): You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember? (703): I don't even know what potassium is. http://tfl.nu/wfp6

Replies (47) Good night (10348) Bad night (1233)
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(256): View more from Alabama

FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.

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(256): FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation. http://tfl.nu/7b12

Replies (28) Good night (1499) Bad night (7666)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.

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(732): I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it. http://tfl.nu/c1o6

Replies (5) Good night (3015) Bad night (2119)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.

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(401): I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails. http://tfl.nu/8vyo

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(206): View more from Washington

My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.

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(206): My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in. http://tfl.nu/9rsk

Replies (14) Good night (3182) Bad night (906)
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(563): View more from Iowa

Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.

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(563): Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience. http://tfl.nu/j0u8

Replies (6) Good night (3502) Bad night (835)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�

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(832): I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.� http://tfl.nu/6jpo

Replies (2) Good night (1136) Bad night (548)
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(310): View more from California

That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch

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(310): That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch http://tfl.nu/7p4s

Replies (2) Good night (2511) Bad night (592)
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(317): View more from Indiana

He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it

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(317): He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it http://tfl.nu/wxzi

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(228): View more from Mississippi

Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.

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(228): Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well. http://tfl.nu/vvbh

Replies (10) Good night (1283) Bad night (586)
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(716): View more from New York

Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.

(269): View more from Michigan

That should be the title of my autobiography.

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(716): Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass. (269): That should be the title of my autobiography. http://tfl.nu/pdg7

Replies (3) Good night (1142) Bad night (465)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.

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(870): I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong. http://tfl.nu/b6l6

Replies (3) Good night (608) Bad night (338)

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