he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance