Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.

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  (207): I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole. http://tfl.nu/al7a
  Replies (16) Good night (940) Bad night (4122)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.

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  (302): I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good. http://tfl.nu/sjs5
  Replies (62) Good night (6308) Bad night (1173)
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  (646): View more from New York

  in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life

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  (646): in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life http://tfl.nu/n6il
  Replies (24) Good night (1248) Bad night (4480)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.

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  (201): just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette. http://tfl.nu/20f3
  Replies (32) Good night (4964) Bad night (1052)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?

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  (814): And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys? http://tfl.nu/bo9t
  Replies (33) Good night (1121) Bad night (5949)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.

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  (248): Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in. http://tfl.nu/0n5k
  Replies (19) Good night (1261) Bad night (4133)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  his penis is PERFECT

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm

  (802): View more from Vermont

  or knit it little hat

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  (802): his penis is PERFECT (802): I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm (802): or knit it little hat http://tfl.nu/4cuj
  Replies (37) Good night (10089) Bad night (1560)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later

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  (845): the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later http://tfl.nu/1207
  Replies (4) Good night (3664) Bad night (1449)
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  (530): View more from California

  and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.

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  (530): and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters. http://tfl.nu/hxhg
  Replies (5) Good night (3081) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.

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  (505): He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand. http://tfl.nu/5zt4
  Replies (2) Good night (1051) Bad night (2031)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?

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  (217): Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up? http://tfl.nu/08g9
  Replies (7) Good night (4642) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign

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  (603): Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign http://tfl.nu/pss1
  Replies (6) Good night (1650) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.

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  (905): No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created. http://tfl.nu/pt0u
  Replies (7) Good night (2105) Bad night (1103)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...

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  (804): It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left... http://tfl.nu/rixb
  Replies (7) Good night (463) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I fill condoms, not promises.

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  (812): I fill condoms, not promises. http://tfl.nu/fzpc
  Replies (4) Good night (1582) Bad night (647)

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