Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.