I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.