I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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