you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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