I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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