Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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