I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Did I show you my penis last night?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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