Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
