I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
