I cannot find my penis.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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