He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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