You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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