I'm laying in your front yard are you home
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
