I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
