I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I checked into jail on foursquare
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
