his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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