whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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