Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
