I need help removing her.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
