I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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