dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
