new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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