How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
