but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
