i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
