Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
