You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
