You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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