when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
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Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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