pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
