Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
