I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
