As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
