You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
