Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
