I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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