I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
