I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
