at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
