he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
