There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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