sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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