In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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