I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize