Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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