He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
