Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
