Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
