I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
