if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
