new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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