Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
