five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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