There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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