Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
