if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
