I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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