I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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