There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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