are you still at the devil's house?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
