Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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