New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
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I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
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Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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