Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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