I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
