You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize