drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
