I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
